Stuff I Say – West Ham v Swansea

Saturday, May 7th, 9:00am local time (Kansas City, Missouri).  I’ve just woken up, wearing my West Ham gear and watching in my living room with my husband and 4 cats.


Oh look, Carroll has the douchey braids again.

[2′: Payet first corner, taps it out rather than kicks]

Well that wasn’t what I expected…

Lanzini, get it!

[another corner]

Aaaah, almost

[6′ Payet corner, and then another. Lanzini makes tackle]

Nice, Lanzini!

[8′ Antonio approaches goal]

I want him to score so I can see his so-called best goal celebration

[9′ Cresswell to Noble, Noble way overshoots]

Awww man (sees Noble’s face) it’s ok, Nobes, we still love you!!

[10′ Announcer: Swansea can’t seem to get out of their own half]

Like it when they don’t start slow!  Gives me hope!

[Announcer says Payet without the T]


[11′ Announcer mentions Kouyate red card rescinded previous Swansea game]

Uh, YEA cuz that was bullshit¡

[13′ Announcer mentions Noble not being called up to England squad]

*sings* Noble for England *cat looks at me funny*

[17′ Free Kick given]

Niiiice……hoping to see somethin’ goood!

[Announcer says Payet without the T while saying the Payet song]

*cringes again*

[18′ Free kick taken, just over the bar]


[20′ Kouyate fouled by Swansea #33]

#33 I’m watching you *points to eyes then at player*

[24′ Swansea goal]

goddamn it.

[25′ Announcer: it was too easy]

Yea, shaddup.

[27′ corner kick, GK comes out and is on the ground, ogbonna overshoots]

AAAAAAAAAAARGH!  That should’ve been perfect!!

[29′ Randolph saves]


[30′ suddenly, second goal]


Come on, boys!  Shut it down!  Randolph, I had faith in you, wake up!!!

[31′ Noble fouled, free kick taken, easily deflected]

[35′ Lanzini shoots wide, another corner, announcer comments on mood in the park has changed]

I was kindof expecting to hear a lot more singing today.

[39′ announcer commenting on Antonio as right-back]

Man, we need to get a right-back and let Antonio play his normal position!!

[40′ announcer mentions celebrations for Tuesdays game (camera focuses on Trevor Brooking), says: I imagine Trevor Brooking is invited to the celebrations]

Uuuh, ya think???  Come on, don’t say dumb things….

Man, it just needs to be halftime already so Bilic can get these guys’ heads screwed on right.

[44′ Payet shoots right to GK]

Has Payet got The Yips or what?

[2 mins stoppage]

[47′ Carroll to Lanzini (who is laying on the ground) but misses]


[45′ Announcer: Swansea have only won once at Upton Park, 60 years ago]


[46′ Moses handball]

[49′ Moses offside]

[50′ Announcer calls Moses lazy]

Dang Moses, step it up!

[51′ 3rd Swansea goal]

GODDAMNIT!  *1 cat jumps off my lap and runs away*

[52′ Carrol attempt on goal, good shot, but straight to GK]

Time to think about making some changes out there, Bilic.  We trust you to make good choices….

[54′ Antonio attempt, back to Carroll, misses wide]

AAAAAAAAAArgh they’re making me sound like a muppet.  Like, an actual Jim Henson muppet.  Maybe Kermit.

[57′ Announcer says Swansea are playing with more confidence and more adventure]


[58′ Moses off, Sakho on]

Alright, lets hope this shakes things up somewhat.

[60′ Announcer: West Ham are all over the place at the moment]

Yea, yea, I can see that.  Shut Up.

[62′ camera shows crowd]

Wow, it must be warm out there today, nobody’s in jackets!  Much more claret and blue can be seen vs black jackets.

[64′ Corner, taken, deflected]

[65′ Carroll called offside]

Keep your stupid braids ON-side!

[66′ Antonio shot deflected, corner given, Payet takes, deflected, back to Payet, to Antonio, saved twice, finally Sakho gets it in]


[68′ Antonio shoots, WAY wide]

Antonio, WTF was that???

[70′ Swansea first corner]

Ok, good, get it away.

[71′ Yellow Card for Sakho]

Weak, but whatever.

[76′ Kouyate off, Emenike on]

[78′ Sakho attemps, knocked out, corner given]

Alright Payet…..aaaand nope.

[80′ 70 yard run by Antonio]

Niiice, Antonio!

[Swansea tackles, people tumble to the ground, no foul given]

Aw come on now…

[81′ Reid given Yellow Card, Announcer comments West Ham fans starting to leave]

*feeling sad about this last Saturday home game at Upton Park*

[82′ Announcer says Emenike like EmenEEKEE]


[82′ Lanzini out, Valencia on]

Nooo, I love Lanzini!

It doesn’t do any good to have all the strikers out there if they can’t create any chances….

[84′ Ogbonna Yellow, didn’t even see what he did, so….no opinion]

[85′ Emenike kicks straight to Swansea]

Emenike, what are you even doing?!

[87′ Antonio very nearly makes own goal]


[87′ Announcer:  West Ham haven’t done anything to deserve to win it, really]

Can’t disagree…

[89′ Payet takes a corner, Reid being held, no penalty]


[90′ Nice save by Randolph]

[91′ Payet shoots, misses, given corner]

Hey, I hadn’t seen or heard mention of Payet in a little while.  I guess he’s still playing. Sort of.

[92′ Yet another Swansea goal]

Oh, for fucks sake!

[Swansea players crawling on the ground in celebration??]

WTF is that? I don’t get it…..

[Final whistle blown]

Well, that was definitely disappointing.  Reading all the buildup on Twitter of fans getting ready for, traveling to the game, and how everyone was emotional about the last Saturday game at the Boleyn.  Honestly I thought I’d hear way more singing by the home fans, even when losing, just because of that.

They started strong, and had a lot of possession at the beginning, but couldn’t create the chances. Can’t complain about any massive referee mistakes today, which is a relief in a way, but just means their 4-1 loss was all the more due to poor performance, maybe bad luck.

Overall, I give this game one huge ‘Disappointed Bilic’

Photo Shape Editor:

Still, one crappy game isn’t the end of the world. There’s still a chance of Europa league, so, here’s hoping for Tuesday….

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