Here is my take on the various levels of Bromance between Mark Noble and Dimitri Payet. Why does there need to be levels? There doesn’t. Why 8? I don’t know. This is the kind of thing that happens when I’m bored and have West Ham on the brain…
Level 1: Standard High-Fives. Fairly common among almost any teammates. Job well done. Outsiders probably wouldn’t immediately guess there is a bond between us.
Level 2: Premium High-Fives. I am happy to be celebrating this moment with you, specifically. We’ll probably talk about whatever we’re celebrating later, while bonding.
Level 3: The “Bro” hug. I want to congratulate you or maybe console you, depending on the situation. Quick and manly, these are not a very big deal. Usually requires a moderate level of friendliness before hugs happen.
Level 4: The “I love ya, mate” hug. Similar to the Premium High-Fives, I’ve sought you out specifically and want to hug you. You are special to me and I want to share my happy moments with you and it’s not awkward if it lasts a little while.
Level 5: The “Let’s hold hands while we talk” level. We like each other so much we find ourselves in various levels of physical contact, and we’re comfortable with that. People can instantly tell there’s a bond there.
Level 6: “Extreme Broment”. A regular hug just won’t cut it. I am going to jump on you or pick you up or something wild. Someone’s carrying someone at some point. Others might want to join in celebration but may be reluctant as they don’t want to intrude on the Broment.
Level 7: The “Embrace Me Now” level. We are so excited to hug that we may slide into each other with force. Also, it may appear we might just be about to…make out a little. And that’s okay.
Level 8: “Rolling On The Ground Together In Each Others’ Arms”. Fairly self explanatory. Ignoring all others, we only need each other to be happy.
This concludes our walk through the levels of the Noble & Payet bromance.
Shove off, Andy, you’re not coming between us!